


Don't Let Me Be Gone

by Crab_Lad, Forestgreengirl



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Jesse Doesn't Have A Great Time, Maul is. Not great in this, Mind Manipulation, Or Is It?, Psychological Torture, Psychological Warfare, Season 7 Spoilers, Seige of Mandalore, YEAH NOT GREAT TIME
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:53:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23903410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crab_Lad/pseuds/Crab_Lad, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forestgreengirl/pseuds/Forestgreengirl
Summary: Just read the tags-
Relationships: CT-5597 | Jesse & Ahsoka Tano, CT-5597 | Jesse & CT-6116 | Kix, CT-5597 | Jesse & CT-7567 | Rex
Comments: 6
Kudos: 58





	Don't Let Me Be Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Crab: This is the one and only non happy ending i will ever write and I'm okay with that. But i am. sorry for this.
> 
> Vox: I’d like to say I’m sorry but I’m not

When the Captain (now Commander he guesses) had told him that Commander Tano was coming back for a mission, and that the 501st would be going with her to Mandalore; he seriously didn't expect to be taken prisoner by the Sith they were fighting. Honestly at the start of this mission he was slightly unnerved by the coldness in the Commander's eyes. She seemed to have grown up so  _ fast  _ since she left. Jesse wondered if this is how Rex felt all the time, watching their  _ vode’ike  _ grow up. Well, the ones that  _ did  _ get to grow up at least. 

Jesse was a bit ashamed to admit that his first two thoughts when seeing this ‘Darth Maul’ were;

_ “Wow this guy's an asshole.”  _

Followed immediately by;

_ “Kriff, he really needs to get a better fashion sense.”  _

The thought did make him crack a smile, even through the cold facade he was currently sporting. Kix would have loved that joke. Jesse felt his head throb for a moment at the thought of his missing  _ vod.  _ Oh, how he wished General Skywalker had searched a bit harder for Kix. He can still remember the genuine  _ hurt  _ when Skywalker told the 501st that they would be giving up the search for him, that the  _ Chancellor  _ had decided that it wasn’t worth searching for a single  _ clone.  _ Clone?  _ Clone? _ As though Kix was just a droid, and not Jesse’s  _ best friend.  _ How rage filled him as Skywalker informed the men that they would be receiving a new Medic this week. Jesse remembered yelling and crying and being so goddamn  _ sad _ that he thought it would kill him. 

Kix did always say he needed to learn to calm his temper before it killed him. 

Now he was somehow standing in the Mandalorian throne room  _ (Hardcase always used to joke about how when the war was over, he was going to go yell at every Ruler in their throne room)  _ in front of a red-faced bastard who had slashed down his brothers without hesitation.

Maul was going on about something to do with them being the same? Jesse wanted to laugh, they were in  _ no  _ way the same. The clones were nothing like this monster.  _ (But didn’t you both kill people, no matter the cost?)  _

Maul stared at Jesse, something unreadable in his eyes, Jesse wasn't ashamed to admit that the look unnerved him. He hadn’t heard too much, but he had been informed of the horrors this man had inflicted on clones, civilians and _jetiise_. Not to mention what had happened to General Kenobi’s master, and potential girlfriend, according to General Skywalker. 

No matter how much angry, contemplating gaze made him want to move as far away as possible, he needed to stay here, needed to get information, needed to keep the brothers he had left safe  _ (god he wishes Kix was here) _ . Jesse had already gotten captured, this was one thing he could do right. 

He stubbornly refused to acknowledge how the crazed rage in Maul’s eyes was reminding him so firmly of the General that took his brothers away. It’s a startling realisation, he had hoped he’d never see that familiar rage again.  _ (He still remembers the feeling of something pushing inside his head, of seeing his brothers vacant eyes.)  _

He refused to think about how his General's eyes light up with rage in the face of conflict. He refuses to think about how  _ terrified _ it makes him, especially after Umbara. 

Maul threatened to search through his head, to find the information he wants, information Jesse  _ won’t  _ give him. Jesse felt the phantom memory of somebody dragging information out by force, and his heart  _ seizes.  _ He  _ can’t  _ betray his brothers like that, he  _ won’t  _ be the reason more of them die.

Jesse had never wanted Kix there so bad, his vod would have known how to stop Maul, would have known how to protect their brothers, he had always been able to do what's right. Jesse couldn’t do it alone. 

He would not deny that he was  _ terrified,  _ there was a very real chance he was going to die here. But he's survived so goddamn much, he won't fall to a  _ darjetii.  _ He just needed to make sure he wouldn't give up any information.

Maul didn’t say anything, and a stray thread of hope forms in Jesse’s chest, maybe he was bluffing, maybe Jesse could still get out of this. 

That hope was quickly destroyed as he felt an intruding presence trying to break into his mind. Skywalker had taught them how to build shields in their mind after a few shinies got on the receiving end of some Sith mind tricks. 

Jesse wished he had paid more attention now, as he felt the pressure in his head increase rapidly. He could feel as the  _ darjetii  _ broke down any barriers he had, rifling through his head and tearing out  _ anything  _ he wanted. It was like everything that had made him Jesse was nothing but a thin glass window.

_ “Hey Jesse! Come paint your armour!” _

_ “You’re a good man, Jesse.” _

Jesse didn’t want this, didn't want this  _ monster  _ looking through his memories, they aren’t his; he couldn't have them. 

But Maul didn’t care, he was tearing through Jesse’s memories as fast as he tore through the men. It’s better if Maul saw that instead of what he wanted. 

_ “Jesse I promise this will all be worth it after the war. We can both have the peace we’ve dreamed of.” _

_ “You’ll always be with me right?” _

_ “Of course! You’re my best friend.” _

Jesse hated what he was doing, how he’s sacrificing his only  _ happy  _ memories to protect any and all information that Maul could want.  _ (Oh Kix, I’m so sorry, I couldn’t be better)  _ And when he ran out, there was nothing to stop Maul from shredding through the others. 

_ “ _ **_Clone!”_ **

_ “You follow my orders, clones, I’m in charge.”  _

Jesse could feel his hands shake from where he’s pressed them down by his sides. He’d spent  _ so long  _ trying to keep those memories away, he’d spent so long blocking out the sounds of Krell’s voice, and how it felt to watch him tear down his Captain  _ over and over  _ again. 

He didn’t want to remember this, it almost destroyed him the first time. Jesse tried, tried to conjure something up.

_ “Good job men! I’m proud of you!” _

_ “Vod! You’re back! I missed you dumbass”  _

_ “Jesse look at me! We survived this, and we still survive everything else.” _

_ “It’s always going to be us! I won’t let anyone hurt you.”  _

_ “Commander Tano! It’s good to see you.” _

_ “Sup Jesse, want to cause some chaos?” _

_ “Absolutely.” _

Maul dug deeper, bringing memories to the surface that Jesse didn’t even remember he had, he forgot them for a  _ reason.  _ But Maul ignored that, didn’t bother to treat him the human being he was. Maul didn't care about what he's doing. He cared about getting his information and that’s  _ it.  _

_ “Want to go slip hair-dye in Rex’s conditioner?”  _

_ “I hate you! You’re not my brother.”  _

_ “Dogma don’t do it.” _

_ “..What have you done.”  _

Eventually the pain becomes too much, Jesse feels like his head is about to explode  _ (“Hey Jesse! Check out what happens when you throw this at the droid!”)  _ everything feels like it's spinning around him, he can feel Maul searching through his head so thoroughly  _ (Cold laughter and angry eyes rush echo through his mind.)  _ His throat ripped as he screamed loud and guttural. 

He felt mildly like he's floating, he decided after a moment, everything feels so detached around him, it's a strange feeling honestly, but his head wasn't threatening to explode. He almost took it as a win, before a cold feeling settled over him.

Is this why he feels so calm? Did Maul find the information he wanted?   
  
_ (Oh Kix, I’m sorry I couldn’t be better.)  _

Jesse failed.

* * *

The cuffs clattered to the ground, finally freeing his wrists. He had enough sense in himself to reach up, feel where they had dug into his skin. Was it really that easy? Was Maul really going to let him go? Jesse couldn’t help but give Maul a look, unbelieving as he urged Jesse across the room. 

Then his body rose off the floor, limping across the ground, before he could really process it. But he’s heading towards his Commander, his Captain, his family. 

“Are you alright, Jesse?” his  _ ori’vod  _ asked, a warm, gloved hand on his shoulder. He shouldn’t lean into it, shouldn’t accept the comfort with the sinking feeling in his stomach, but he did anyway. 

He couldn’t meet either of them in the eyes as his body responded, “I’m sorry, Commander. I couldn’t help it. I told him everything.” 

Internally Jesse screamed out that it’s a lie, but everything is so detached. He never spoke, but he had been too weak to keep Maul from his mind. Jesse had been a failure, failing them both. The care and worry they hold for him, he didn't deserve it. He didn’t deserve to go back to them. And he was a failure now, guilt weighing him down as his mouth and voice lied to his  _ aliit _ . 

“It’s okay,” Commander Tano replids, resting a hand on his arm. It’s nice, he supposed, the touch. Knowing that even if he didn’t deserve it, they still cared. He had betrayed them, his mind had given in, and yet they still wanted him. “Rex, get him out of here.” 

Jesse got a moment of control over himself as Rex led him by the shoulder. He leant into it, trying to get closer to his  _ vod,  _ trying to warn him that something was wrong. But before he can open his mouth, whatever was controlling him took back over, causing him to sag.

He was shaking by the time they made it back to the medical tent, the memories from his capture slipping through and swirling around like a never ending movie. Pure gold eyes seared into his mind, making him flinch back. Maul’s laughter still echoed around him, in his mind. Yet everything seems so distant, mechanical, as if he was not fully present. 

It took effort to pull himself to the front, to return feeling back into his arms and legs, to put one step in front of the other, to feel like  _ himself _ . But he’ll never be the same again, not after having someone worm their way through his mind, tearing through his internal thoughts and memories like they were nothing more than paper. 

He had failed. 

Everything blurred by, with the medic (not Kix, not now that he was gone, that he was dead) fussing over Jesse. Between one blink and the next he was being moved from the tent to a gunship, to the cruiser. Everything was hazy, sluggish as he’s pulled along and then-

Commander Tano came into view and that snake in his mind surged forward to try and  _ hurt and kill and maim _ . And before he knew it, he had the Togruta on the ground, blade digging sharp and deep into her cheek. 

The sight of her blood snapped him out of whatever took control. The  _ vode  _ around them surrounded, guns raised. Rex rushed in, helping Ahsoka off the ground as Jesse flinched back against the wall. 

“Jesse?” his  _ vod  _ asked imploringly, something fragile and broken in his tone. 

“It’s not me, Rex I’m not me I can’t-” Jesse struggled against the snake in his mind, curling around in tight tendrils. He had tried to attack Ahsoka, their commander, their  _ vod’ika _ \- “Rex, you have to kill me. Kill me before I can hurt anyone else, please Rex. I can’t hurt anyone else.” 

He realized that he’s babbling at this point, trying hard to hold back from the urge to jump his  _ ori’vod _ and maim him. Commander Tano would already bear a scar because of him. He wouldn’t let Rex suffer. Jesse didn’t want anyone else to suffer for him. 

Why had it only reached out now? And not in the throne room? Had he really been a sleeper agent this whole down? 

Rex looked up at him, brown eyes just a tad too dark from his own, sad and pained. The Commander had a white-knuckled grip on his dual pistols. There was something fearful in his Captain’s look. 

“Rex,  _ please _ ,” he begged, slipping into Mando’a, “ _ Gedet'ye, Ni nu’copaani ram'or shol'shya _ .  _ Ni nu'copaani kadaar shol'shya bal trattok'or Kix.” _

Dropping his gaze, Rex glanced at the floor. 

The control was slowly tightening, pulling Jesse further and further into himself. He stopped his panic, stepping forward to draw attention to himself. Rex finally met his gaze as he said softly, “ _ Bic cuyi haar jatne jat'kara gar ru'lise dinui ni, ori’vod _ .” 

And maybe he’d get to see Kix again, marching forward with his best friend, leading the way for the others.

A tear tumbled down Rex’s face as he stepped back, shifted into position, and raised one of his pistols.

**Author's Note:**

> :)
> 
> Thanks to RobinPlaysTrumpet15 for the Mando'a translations. Love you Jude uwu
> 
> “Gedet'ye, Ni nu’copaani ram'or shol'shya. Ni nu'copaani kadaar shol'shya bal trattok'or Kix.”- Please I don't want to attack  
> another. I don't want to hurt another and fail Kix." 
> 
> “Bic cuyi haar jatne jat'kara gar ru'lise dinui ni, ori’vod.” - It's the best fate you could give me, big brother.


End file.
